I love how...

I am a cat lover. But please I don’t make love with cat, keep that in mind. I used to have two cats; Sinchan and Marsha.

I love how they purred every time I touched them.

I love how they ran willy-nilly each time I shook their tuna flavored Whiskas box.

I love how came to me every time I watched TV.

I love how they jumped each time I surprised them.

I love how cuddled themselves comfortably on my bed each night.

I love how they scratched the door every morning, to get out from the room and pee in the compound.

I love how they play with each other on the carpet.

I love how they chewed my fingers when they sat on my lap.

I love how they dried themselves after their monthly bath.

I love everything about them.

IMNOSUPERMAN: ...

Of cats

I'MNOSUPERMAN: Daddy misses you both...

Of phone numbers and strangers

I was scrolling through my phone yesterday and was stricken by the phone numbers that I can hardly remember. I don’t meet that many people but where did all these numbers came from?

The fact that I’m good with numbers doesn’t help me much in remembering the faces behind those phone numbers. Assertive and determined, I decided to call those numbers and to my surprise most of them are just total strangers. People tend to change their phone numbers- I know some of us change their numbers like changing clothes (not mentioning who), leaving me with rootless alienated people who seemed to be equally annoyed upon answering their phone to a total stranger.

Suddenly I felt abandoned... neglected…

But I’m still fabulously alive am I not?

Oh yeah!

I’MNOSUPERMAN: Tak faham kenapa ada orang yang simpan sampai 4 nombor telefon

Hampeh!

Hampeh! Tak pernah aku sebosan ni.

Minggu lepas aku usha bos aku, aku nak tukar off day ke hari Ahad instead of Sabtu. Biasanya aku akan pecut kereta comelku ke KL pada tengahari Jumaat untuk berhujung minggu dan replenish tatabahasa urban aku. Bos kata “ok jer.”

Hmm… sayang bos! [Sambil kuis-kuis dagu bos]

Dan hari Sabtu pun menjelma… Dengan semangatnya aku datang awal ke pejabat, pakai t-shirt kegemaranku dan buat-buat sibuk dengan fail ‘internal memo’ yang Chief Clerk aku bagi. Memandangkan dah banyak paperwork aku settlekan petang semalam, aku plan nak gerak ke KL pukul 11 pagi. Tapi semua orang macam tak faham-faham jer yang aku patutnya half day hari ni. Makin banyak pulak paper yang diorang hantar ke meja aku. Dan semua nak hantar hari ni!

There goes my Seoul Garden dinner…

I’MNOSUPERMAN: Rambut aku dah panjang mengurai ni. Rimas!

Dari training ke Tomoi

Wait seminit. It's not what you think. Aku tak training untuk menyertai Tomoi. Aku tak cukup ganas hehehe.

Selasa lepas estate aku menganjurkan training untuk Black Bunch Census- which you don’t have to know what is dan aku telah diberikan kepercayaan untuk memberi latihan tu yang disertai oleh pengurus-pengurus dan pegawai-pegawai ladang Wilayah Utara. Bangga? You bet I am. [Mode riak]

I want to do it again!

The next day, aku diajak untuk menyaksikan Muay Thai atau nama comelnya Tomoi kat town. I’ve watched Tomoi but that was in Phuket. So aku sedikit teruja untuk menyaksikan bagaimana anak-anak tempatan menyiku dan menyepak lawannya dalam gelanggang Tomoi lokal. It was electrifying!

I’MNOSUPERMAN: Terkenang zaman muda-muda dulu…

Edisi jom belajar bahasa peribumi: Iban

Bayangkan anda dalam situasi berikut:

Anda keluar awal dari rumah. Semangat bekerja anda berkobar-kobar kerana anda telah berbelanja sakan pada hari sebelumnya, membeli persalinan baru, potong rambut, buat manicure dan pedicure (lelaki macho pun buat M&P ok!) dan… anda juga buat pertama kalinya memakai minyak wangi, tak kisahlah kalau Original Dunhill atau Originally bought in Petaling Street Dunhill.

Then, dalam train anda perasan seorang awek cun giler sedang mengusha-usha anda sambil memintal-mintal rambutnya. Comel! Dia mengelipkan matanya laju-laju apabila anda cuba melihatnya. Sah! Awek tu berminat dengan anda, sanggup mengharungi lautan api dan mendaki gunung duri demi anda. Pergh… I tell you, minyak wangi tu betul-betul mujarab la bai!

Alunan musik romantis tiba-tiba berkumandang…

Anda pun memulakan langkah pertama anda. Bertanya apakah nama glamernya, makanan kegemarannya, kenangan manis dan pahitnya dan karektor Sailormoon manakah yang menjadi kegemarannya.

Alunan musik romantis terus berkumandang…

“Hai… sorang jer?” Anda bertanya sambil memberikan senyuman anda yang maha berkeju.

“$##%^@ &^@*&@ ^%%*…” Alunan musik romantis terhenti serta-merta! Anda tak faham sepatah haram pun apa yang awek tu just said. Dia bercakap dalam Bahasa Iban. Namun dia tetap tersenyum sambil menguis-nguis pipinya. Comel!

Musik romantis bersambung lagi, tapi anda susah hati sebab anda tak tahu berbahasa Iban.

Now now… don’t you worry. I can help you. Bahasa Iban adalah bahasa yang sangat mudah. Berikut adalah contoh penggunaan mudah bahasa Iban asas yang boleh anda kuasai sekiranya anda terjebak dalam situasi seperti di atas. Tarik nafas semua… Lepaskan perlahan-lahan…

Perempuan

Indu’

Lelaki

Laki

Wow!

Apuuuuuuu!!! (Lagi panjang lagi bagus)

Bila

Kemaya

Sana

Din

Sini

Ditu’

Ke sana

Kia’

Ke sini

Kitu’

Nak

Ka’

Tak nak

Ngai

Wow! Cun nya awek tu! Aku suka!

Apuuuuuuu! Lawa amai indu’ nya wai! Berai aku! (Lagi best kalau sebut sambil menjegilkan anak mata)

Awak apa khabar?

Nama rita nuan?

Awak dah mamam ker?

Udah makai nuan ndun? (Aweks)

Udah makai nuan dum? (Balaks)

Awak dari mana?

Ari ni nuan ndun? (Aweks)

Ari ni nuan dum? (Balaks)

Jom. Saya nak belanja awak mamam.

Aram kitai. Aku ka’ belanja nuan makai.

Saya rindu dengan awak sayang.

Lelengau aku ngau nuan sulu.

Saya tinggal dekat-dekat sini jer. Jomlah ikut saya balik berjumpa ibu bapa saya.

Aku diau sema' ditu aja'. Aram meh ngau aku pulai ngagai apai indai aku.

Jom kita kawin?

Aram kitai kawin?

Insyallah kalau kena dengan cara dan sesuai minyak wanginya, anda akan dapat tackle aweks-aweks Iban yang cun-cun.

Musik romantis berkumandang dan terus berkumandang...

I’MNOSUPERMAN: Episod lain, kita belajar Bahasa Melanau pulak. Aweks Melanau pun cun gak…

Of my team...

I was doing routine site visit today when I felt this sudden feeling… of missing my Sarawak’s team.

Some of them might don’t like me but I’m ok with that. It's bitter but I know they miss me too.

Most of them were very helpful and I miss that much. I am a very appreciative person so I'm not worried if I never thank them enough.

I miss working with them. The best team ever...

I’MNOSUPERMAN: I miss them all...

Of safety helmet... Revisited

Masa kat Sarawak dulu, semua pekerja estate aku pakai topi keselamatan sebab I made them to wear it, and of course it’s the company policy thing. Bulan lepas, company baru aku ni keluarkan perkeliling pasal kepentingan keselamatan sewaktu bekerja. Well I am really good at implementing safety at work place (cos I bitch a lot), so aku sarankan agar semua pekerja diberi topi keselamatan.

And so they were given a safety helmet… and this was what I discovered this morning. Terharu? You decide…

I’MNOSUPERMAN: I miss Masitah…

Of Charlie and Kate Walsh

Everyone is talking about life. Sometime it’s like this, sometime it’s like that. But I’m not talking about life today, no worries. Nobody wants to listen to my life’s theory anyway. I don’t know much about life. I’m just enjoying it as much as possible.

I’ve been watching Grey’s Anatomy back-to-back now. Season 1 to 5. Baiklah… you may think I am slow. Yes I am! Better late than never right?

I’ve learnt much from the show. Not that I can cut open sick people now and fix them, but I’ve learnt much about life (seriously I’m not talking about life here), about relationship, about friendship and everything that decided come between it all.

Who is your favorite Grey’s character? Alex? Yang? Delusional Izzy? No no and definitely no. It is Charlie, the old man that only sleeps and sometime fart, whom they simply call 'a very old man'. Why? Because he know things even though he was asleep. He knows life. Again, I am not talking about life.

He might be old, but is logical... and he wants a real lobster before he die. He is funny and logical.

I think doctors are awesome. I wish I am a doctor myself, but considering that I can’t stand looking at blood, I rather wish that I am someone else instead. Planters don't see blood, unless that you jatuh from your motorcycle and hurt yourself like I did today. Stupid stupid stupid!

I’MNOSUPERMAN: Siapa setuju Kate Walsh ni sangat hot angkat tangan!

Fairytales...

We all remember the bed time stories of our childhoods- the shoe-fit Cinderella, the frog that turn into a prince, sleeping beauty is awaken with a kiss, beautiful blondie and her scary mother… Once upon a time and then they suddenly lived happily ever after. Those are fairytales, the stuff of dreams.

The problem is fairytales don’t come true. No freaking way. It’s the other stories. The one that begins with dark stormy nights and ends in the unspeakable. It’s the nightmares that seem to become a reality.

So fairytales are the stories that we tell from our dreams and hopes. Fairytales don’t come true. Reality is much stormier, much murkier, much scarier. Reality is so much interesting than living happily ever after.

The person that invented the phrase happily ever after should have his ass kicked so hard.

I'MNOSUPERMAN: I need to grow a longer hair for someone to rescue me from this deserted tower!