January 15, 2009

I'mnosuperman... But I do mumble sometime

Mumble no 1
What is nerd? N.E.R.D as per Poyo or Mat Skema or Mat Belia. I used to be one. Pick up the phone, call my friend and start asking. I don't care!!! Nerd people are not damage. I am not damage. They are not losers. But I might be a loser. People say you should always follow your dreams. What if your dream is boring? Most of our dreams are boring. What if your dream is selling jagung rebus on the road-side? What if you follow your dream and sell jagung rebus on a road-side? People will probably see you as a total failure anyways…

Mumble no 2
"What the hell do you think you are doing? You are not paid to sit pretty. Where's my fucking monthly report? Fuck you!!!" Angry...

"What? You want to fuck me? Where? On this table? Ok. But be gentle. And please use plenty of lubricant as I am not auto-lubricated." Laughing…

Mumble no 3
I have a friend who like to stress on his R in every word he said. You know... Filipino-like. Sometime it's uncalled for. I always make a jokes out of it.

"I'm on my way to your place now. Tell me if you are ready so that I don't have to wait too long." I called him on my cell.

"Ok. I'm DARN." Said he.

"You what?"

"I'm DARN. I am ready."

"Oh you mean you are DONE?"

"Yes... I'm DARN."

"Yeah. You will if you keep on saying that..."

Come people... laugh with me.

Mumble no 4
Don't aim for the top. Aim for somewhere two notches below the top. Having said this, there is no concrete reason for you to kill yourself by hanging yourself for not having making it to the top (unless that you are 150% sure that you are stupid).

Mumble no 5
Even when life is good. It's not always that good. Play solitaire in your PDA and contribute nothing to the world but having fun doing it. Life is like a piece of paper. Crumpled it up and put it on your palm. Left or right doesn't really make any different. Look at it hopelessly and take a deep deep breath. And then say this to yourself, "Life is like this. This is as good as it can get."

Mumble no 6
"Please turn off your cell phones and electronics peripherals as it may interfere with the onboard navigational system."

Please obey this instruction whenever you are flying. It's not a joke. Steward and stewardess aren't funny. But most of them are cute alright. And at lease for once, put aside your Everest-high-ego whenever they do the safety demonstration before take-off. After all it's free and fun to see. I know… you'll probably have this tiny thought in your ego head that other people will see you as kampung who fly for the first time, gawking at the cabin crew like there is no tomorrow as if the plane will crash and you'll die. Believe me... Being kampung is ok. Kampung people are not that stupid.

Mumble no 7
"Where got? You are bullshitting me!"

"Got lah. You don't believe me ah? I am not bluffing one. If I am lying to you, you can always fuck me on the table."

"Sin jing ping (crazy) lah you!!!"

Mumble no 8
I went for a fancy dinner one day in this fancy hotel. I ordered a greedy Australian Sirloin Steak from this long-faced-I-am-so-angry-and-you-don't-want-to-mess-with-me waiter. I was asking, "Could you describe this for me?" I forgot to say that PLEASE word. I was not planning to but it was intended.

"We have a selection of small, medium and large portion of steak just for a mere RM48. It's on promotion." He said in a well rehearsed All-American dialect.

"What is so promotional about it? What if I order a tiny portion, I still have to pay RM48? What if I order the largest portion that you can offer me, I still have to pay you RM48? You must be kidding me." I said in a not so well rehearsed Manglish (Malaysian English), of course in the sweetest well-educated, well-paid and down to earth fashion.

"Let me check with my captain." He said and leave. A few minutes later, he came back and sheepishly apologized. "I am sorry sir. Actually we have a selection of rare, medium rare, medium well done and well done steak, drizzled in exquisite mushroom or black pepper sauce, served with a delightful arrays of vegetables and mashed potato. And it's no longer on promotion."

Hmmm... I should have guessed that. There goes your tip, flying out of the window.

Mumble no 9
"What do you get when you put your scary eyes in the dark?"

"Dunno lah."

"Eye-scream lah you idiot. You are such a towel.

Mumble no 10
Work… What the hell is work? Well work is something that can earn you some amount of money, which you can use to pay your bills or put food on your table. And you can always spend some of it to buy flight tickets and scream excitedly like nobody's business in Genting Highlands.

I am still wondering whether the job I have now is my dream job. I don't know. All I know is, I woke up early in the morning, yapping around and giving blank instructions to my workers, signing some purchase orders, flipping some memorandum of agreements which the contractors are not even bothered to read through, reading some shitty reports and sitting all day long in my office and pretend busy in front of my laptop and surf through the internet, helplessly searching for Paris Hilton's home-made porno video. I might consider of selling jagung rebus on a road-side now… Tamat!

I'MNOSUPERMANLAH: Mumbling is fun...

11 ulasan:

suesamsudin said...

I luvvvvv no 3...lawak....hahaha..suka baca bnde lucu, awet muda tu...anyway, nothing's wrong with mumbling rite....yg penting kita HAPPY!!!

suesamsudin said...

eh, juz noticed that u postd dis n3 @ 5 am in d moning...awalnya bgn...bagus bagus...

[SK] said...

i like MARmble NARmber three, so DARN FARNY.. :p

Wawa said...

Yang no 1 tu..kena ada "The power of Dream"! haha

Power betul mumbling dia.

Hidney said...

suesamsudin... yup posted pukul 5 pagi sbb i keje time2 mcm tu on daily basis. sajer nak meringankan 'beban' kepala waktu pagi. mulakan hari anda dgn senyuman k...

Hidney said...

sk... yup thats my fav of all. he is so adorable i tell you

Hidney said...

kak zura... semua ni mumble ulangan jer kak kecuali yg no 3 tu. benda bagus kalau ulang2 best jugak hehe

eQbalzack said...

suka la pic entry ni...comei...hahaha

Hidney said...

abang eq... haha yer ker? tu bukan penulis entry la. tu pelakon berbayar jer

Jonathan George said...

Morning pak!!! Selamat Siang Pak!! mana menghilang???

OHHHHHH kat sini awak post hasil kerja awak HAHAHHA

Mcm pernah dengar ohhh "DARN" di mana ya...

Hidney said...

hye ethan... ok whart. hahaha

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