October 30, 2008

OVER...

“Damai 12 panggil Damai 3 over.”

“Damai 3 terima. Teruskan Damai 12 over.”

“Selamat pagi tuan over. Ada lori kita kena tahan di kilang tuan over.”


“Lori siapa tu over?”

“Lori Bantin over. Orang kilang kata buah kita tak elok tuan over. Saya di kilang ini tuan over.”

“Apa lagi yang mereka kata err over.”

“Diorang kata buah kita rosak over tapi saya kata buah kita tak rosak over dan baru harvest pagi ni tadi over dari block 21 over. Saya dapat panggilan dari Bantin cakap dia kena tahan over. Diorang terus tahan lori kita tuan over.”

“Banyak nyer over engkau?”

“Over tuan.”

“Nanti saya cuba call kilang. Damai 3 out.”

“Tuan over tuan.”

“Sudah sudah lah over tu.”

“Terima tuan. Over.”

“…”


I'MNOSUPERMAN: OVER and out!

October 26, 2008

Shekinah, Cd, Shasha and Abang Eq

Friends are like treasure. The more you have, the richer you’ll get. But too much treasure has a disastrous consequence. Quality is the key…

Well… that’s a good way of starting my entry eih?

I’ve met this GILA lady whom I would like to call a quality friend. She’s Shekinah and she’s the mother of all momok! I met her for the first time last Saturday and just like she turned me into a small momok.

“Hey! I thought you don’t dance!”

Babe… I can do so much than disco. I can do inang, cha cha, mak yong, wayang kulit… Let’s dance on the bar sometime ok; but with my shirt on lah hehehe…

Then I went to KL to meet with my other equally quality friends. Friends whom I’ve known for quite some time already and whom I’ve enjoyed their presence and sincerity; Cd, Shasha and Abang Eq. I can spend all day with them doing things we enjoy doing together; karaoke and bowling for instance. Shasha can sing very well and Cd can bowl better than me. Me on the other hand, I can be their pom-pom girl hehe… all the way!!!

Oh by the way, Abang Eq likes everything in blue. So girls… you know what to do haha…

Looking back, I always glad that I have friends that are good to me. Friends who doesn’t drive you to commit murder, or doesn’t humiliate you beyond repair. Friends that are friends…

5 cheers of TUBEERY for them. Owh in case you don’t know, TUBEERY is a cocktail of TUAK and BEER. Its momok’s signature drink. Thanks to babe who introduced it to me...


I'MNOSUPERMAN: I honor friends who honor me in return. I have some pix for this entry. But my laptop betrayed me. I'll post it in my next entry... promise!

October 17, 2008

I'MNOSUPERMANLAH the Monologue

I'm sure you've read my I'MNOSUPERMANLAH and I really hope that you liked it as much as I enjoy writing it. I've been planning to come out with another blog as they say one is never enough. But but but don't be alarmed just yet, I don't apply that to my love life! You're my only one sayang. So don't you worry...

Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls and those who haven't decided yet, I now present you I'MNOSUPERMANLAHtheMONOLOGUE. In case you were wondering, it's every bit less difficult to understand and ostensibly banausic. Sometime it's better to say things to yourself. Enjoy...

I'MNOSUPERMANLAH: You are your own storyteller. No one can understand you better...

October 16, 2008

HTC baru ku...

Jeng jeng… Dah lama sangat aku bermimpi nak smooching dengan HTC Touch Pro ni. Minggu lepas tercapai jugak akhirnya. Sampai ke moment entry ni ditulis, aku tak sanggup berenggang dengan baby baru aku ni. It's super cool terutamanya bila berSMS dalam bas yang penuh sesak hahaha riak riak riak!

What happen to my old OMNIA? One word… IT SUCK! Owh that would be two isn’t it. But who’s counting anyway?

I'MNOSUPERMAN: Makan HTC tido HTC... Planning to buy OMNIA? Forget it!

October 12, 2008

Burai oh Burai...

Masa mula-mula aku join estate life dulu, aku sering ada communication probs dengan my workers. I don't speak much Iban and they don't speak much Bahasa Melayu either. So lebih kurang macam ayam dengan itik ler (aku bukannya ayam occay!!!). To make it worst, Bahasa Melayu diorang tu were heavily infested (katanya) dengan bahasa ibunda diorang. P.I.T.A.M!!!

So one of the most unforgettable scene was when aku nak tengok traktor estate aku yang sangkut kat dalam site, masalah biasa kat jalan-jalan estate yang tak berturap. So here goes...

“Elok ker jalan dekat depan tu?” Sajer jer kan nak tanya soalan bodoh.

“Oh tuan… JAHAT betul jalan itu tuan. Tidak boleh TENGAH.” He said in deep Iban accent.
(Oh tuan… jalan tu ROSAK TERUK tuan. Tidak boleh DIGUNAKAN)

“Err… jalan tu pukul orang ker Burai?”

“Bukan tuan. Rosak betul jalan itu. Dekat situlah traktor kita LAP semalam.”
(Bukan tuan. Jalan tu rosak. Di situlah traktor kita SANGKUT semalam)

“Lap? Apa nya yang lap?” Sungguh! Memang aku tak faham, bukan buat-buat tak faham.

“Aduh… susah betul mau cakap sama tuan ini.” Sambil menggaru kepala.

“Jauh sangat dah kita jalan ni. Lama lagi ker nak sampai?”

“Oooo SEMAK sudah tuan.”
(Oooo DEKAT sudah tuan)

“Semak apa pulak ni Burai? Tak menjawab soalan la kau ni!”

"Bukan tuan. Tidak jauh sudah. Tuan tu kak kemelik ka aku kini."
(Bukan tuan. Tak jauh dah. %&*%#$**$##&$*##!*%>&##)

I’MNOSUPERMAN: Where is he now? I miss him a lot. I am a good boss you know.

October 10, 2008

Don’t bother…

Don’t bother to come to the local gym to workout if you think…

• You are too hot too handle
• You have the best bods in the entire known universe
• You look better than Brad Pit. My foot ah…
• You think Kevin Zahri is puny
• You own that gym
• Everyone come to that gym for free
• The girl (or guy) on the treadmill is constantly checking you out
• Sit-ups are for your triceps
• Push-ups are for your oblique
• You are too cool to say “Excuse me. May I use this dumbbells?” and not just pick that damn dumbbells up when you know I’m still using it and throw my towel away from the bench that I sat on before you came and then mengumpat me with your equally snobby friend in mandarin!!! WO YUE ZHI DAO XIANG HUA YI you moron!!!

So don’t bother to come. No one needs you.

I’MNOSUPERMAN: My IQ level just droped...

October 9, 2008

I'm no Rafael Nadal

Nothing much to talk about; we planters don’t go out that much. So we resorted to amuse ourselves with our own kind, err… terlucah la pulak!

Focus focus!!!

A.n.y.w.a.y…

I played tennis with me fellow colleagues yesterday; Cairel and Mahedie. I never played tennis before and I am soo not good in it. They on the other hand are really good. Being the kayu-est, I spent most of the time taking pictures and cheering for both of them.

"Go go Mahedie, go go Cairel! Damn you Mahedie, damn you Cairel!!!" I'm no cheerleader, so that will do.

This is my idea of tennis. Told ya…

I'MNOSUPERMAN: Yup we do have tennis court here in the estate Shekinah. All that we need now is F1 circuit...

October 8, 2008

He was a good man

He was my manager’s driver when I was in Belian Estate. He was not fond of me as I used to menjawab him a lot. One day, he nearly ran over my worker with my manager's Landrover. Damn I was furious and everyone took noticed. I’ve bitched and cursed him like he was a 15 years old. I never gave him the chance to fight me back and it was my fault. He honoured me as his superior. He then wrote me a letter the next day saying “My age driving license is older than your age sir.”

He was a good man, husband, father and granddad. He’ll definitely be missed…

“Tuan pakcik Razali meninggal pagi tadi di hospital.”

Al-Fatihah...

Razali Bin Hakim
1952-2008

I'MNOSUPERMANLAH: I still have that letter...

October 7, 2008

Beraya di Brunei...

The original plan was to go to Brunei last Ramadhan. But something came up, the trip had to be cancelled. It's the case of 'yang dikejar tak dapat, yang dikendong berciciran.' Enuf said... But then on the last 4th October, aku berpeluang untuk beraya di Brunei. Peluang la wei… nak beraya tempat orang. Stupid of me to just let that go? VERY…

Aku dan Ethan berlepas ke Brunei melalui Miri lepas waktu lunch. Before sampai ke Miri, kitorang sempat pulak pose-pose maut di Pantai Tinggi. Rasa macam kat Uluwatu pulak. Where to next? Tanah Lot? Hahaha...

Lepas having lunch kat Boulevard, kitorang meneruskan perjalanan ke Brunei. But before reaching Sungai Tujuh Checkpoint, aku perasan yang kereta aku mula meragam. Tayar depan berbunyi bingit. Macam bunyi kapal! Mulanya aku ingatkan tayar pancit. Tapi tak pulak kereta aku hilang balancing. Bimbang tak akan sampai ke destinasi, kitorang berpatah balik ke bandar.

At Piasau's workshop…

“Aiyoo… nasib ooo lu latang. Mungkin lu tidak sampai itu Blunei ooo.” kata pekerja workshop tu. Aku mengarut dada lega. Berat benar dugaan untuk ke Brunei kali ni.

“Niat kau tak bagus ni…” kata Ethan.

“Eh…!!! Apa plak? Aku nak beraya lah!”

Setengah jam kemudian, aku dan Ethan meneruskan perjalanan ke Brunei. Nasib baik tak besar masalahnya. Kereta ku disiapkan dan-dan jugak. Kalau tak, mungkin trip ke Brunei kali ni pun terpaksa cancel lagi. Petang tu kitorang sampai lewat di Brunei… and we were starving. So we went straight to The Mall for dinner before beraya to Hassan’s house in Kampung Mata Mata. "Tak kisah pukul berapa korang datang. Aku tunggu," sms dari Hassan.

The next day, aku diduga lagi. Kali ni tayar belakang pulak yang pancit. Terpaksalah aku menggigih menukar tayar dengan baju rayaku. Huhuhu… dugaan.

Nasib baik aku tak payah berbelanja lebih untuk membeli tayar baru. Aku bayar $5 sajork. Tampal pakai cacing jer, if you know what I mean… Mangkuk mana la yang letakkan paku kat drive way tu. Assalamualaikum kat ko!

Untuk trip kali ni, aku sempat melawat ke Masjid Jamek. Terkagum aku dengan keindahan senibinanya. Ramai jugak pelawat yang berkunjung ke masjid tu. Now who can resist that golden dome? Posing Ethan… jangan tak posing.

Lepas posing sakan kat masjid, we went to the market for some fresh veggies and local produce. Kerry nak masak special untuk tetamu yang datang beraya ke rumah Hassan. Pandai masak rupanya si Kerry ni. Untung kau Ethan! Mahal jugak sayur di Brunei ni...

Ethan and I went back to Bintulu at 5 pm. Dalam perjalanan balik tu, kitorang terkandas dalam traffic jam kat area Jerudong dan pintu masuk Sungai Tujuh Check Point. Merasa jugak duduk dalam kereta selama 2 jam doing basically nothing. But then again, nasib baik tak ada apa-apa yang berlaku dalam perjalanan balik tu. Tapi Ethan hampir-hampir terlepas bas balik ke Bintulu. Rasakan!!!

“Lain kali kalau nak berjalan jauh, niat tu kena betul.” pesan Ethan.

“Shadap you!”

I’MNOSUPERMANWITHAPUREHEART: Trip depan nak melawat Masjid Omar Ali pulak...

October 6, 2008

What was I thinking?

I think I woke up as usual that morning… but something was not right. It was too quiet. Or maybe it was just me. So I took my towel and showered while singing to one of Barney and Friends' famous number…

“I love you,
You love me,
We are happy family,
With a great big kiss and a hug from me to you,
Won’t you say you love me too…”

But that was when I puked…

I always hate that purple Tyrannosaurus…

I stood in front of my neatly pilled clothes. I took the one in the green shades. It’s my favourite. I will have a very important meeting at 9 and I wanted to look my best for that. Still… it was too quiet…

I got onto my bike and headed towards the office. I saw no one. Not a soul. Not even the dog that keep on messing with my trash can. I started to wonder. “Where is everyone?”

I reached the office 5 minutes later and just like what I thought, it was empty. "Where is everyone?”

I reached out for my phone in my jacket and started to look up for my staff's number; Saran. But something on the phone screen caught my attention. I can’t believe it… IT WAS 3 AM!!!

I’MNOSUPERMANLAH: I wish my boss was there to see me. “Owh Hidney… you are such a good boy. Always come early for work. I am proud of you!” Yeah right... NOT!!!

October 4, 2008

Of raya kedua, Mak Ngah and isu kahwin lagi

“Bila kau nak kahwin?” Satu soalan yang tak pernah lekang ditanya kepadaku saban tahun di hari raya. Hmmm that marriage question. Telah jenuh aku menjawab, telah banyak alasan yang aku utarakan, namun akan tetap mengundang rasa tidak puas di hati mereka. Sebenarnya mereka faham, tapi sengaja mahu tidak faham. Banyak lagi soalan yang boleh ditanya buat rencah bicara. Sebagai contoh…

1. Siapa yang menang F1 kat Singapore hari tu ah?
2. Agaknya siapa yang boleh menang kerusi Timbalan Presiden Amerika Syarikat ek?
3. Apa cerita projek angkasawan pertama China?
4. Berapa banyak B747 yang boleh muat dalam Gua Mulu?

Pilih jer yang mana nak. Tak susah kan?

Berikut adalah satu insiden makan bahulu kejung dan menyalakan rokok daun di anjung rumah, di suatu petang di hari raya kedua.

“Jangan lama-lama Ney. Nanti tak laku. Tengok kakak kau tu. Dah kawin… Adik kau tu pun dah nak dapat anak. Kau tu anak kedua. Anak jantan sulung. Mak ayah kau tu bukannya makin muda. Aku tak tahulah apa kejadian engkau ni. Kau memilih sangat ker? Sepupu Pak Anjang kau tu, bukannya tak lawa aku tengok. Susah-susah kau kahwin jer lah dengan dia. Balik raya pun tak payah nak gaduh. Rumah dekat jer…”

“Mak Ngah… bukannya Ney tak nak kahwin, bukan jugak terlalu memilih… awal lagi. Tak habis lagi tempat Ney pusing. Morocco tak sampai lagi. Alah… biarlah dulu. Lagipun Ida dah kawin, As pulak dah nak dapat baby. Elok benar lah tu. Rezeki masing-masing. Mak ayah boleh faham lah Mak Ngah. Lagipun siapa nak bagi duit kat diorang kalau Ney kahwin nanti? Adik-adik yang lain belajar lagi. Si Ijah tu baru jer dapat kerja. Makan pun Ney yang tolong bayarkan.”

“Ni lah budak-budak zaman sekarang. Satu ditanya, sepuluh yang dijawabnya. Tak hormat orang tua langsung. Aihhhh…”

“Kalau diam maksudnya setuju lah Mak Ngah. Sebab Ney tak setuju lah Ney menjawab. Dalam sepuluh yang Ney jawab, takkan satu pun tak betul. Betul tak mak?”

“Tengok tu Seriah. Lancar jer mulut anak kau ni menjawab aku. Kurang hajar! Baru jer tadi mintak ampun. Berdosa tau menjawab orang tua!”

“Biarlah dia tu kak. Betul jugak apa yang dia cakap tu…”

“Aihhhh korang ni. Mak dengan anak sama jer!”

“Ish akak ni. Ke situ pulak dia. Tak elok cakap macam tu dalam bulan baik ni.”

“Aku ni cakap benda yang betul bah. Kalau tak betul aku tak cakap. Aku ni dah tua. Dah banyak makan garam.”

“Eh kak… si Ahad tu bila pulak nak kawin? Dah elok bergaji besar tu. Rumah dah ada, kereta pun dah ada. Rupa pun boleh tahan. Tak ada yang berkenan ker?”

“A’ah la Mak Ngah. Tu anak tunggal tu. Tak teringin Mak Ngah nak bercucu? Sepupu Pak Anjang tu single lagi. Gi ler merisik. Kalau tak Ney ambik. Tak payah ler nak bergaduh besar bila balik raya. Rumah kan dekat jer…”

“Errr…”

"Nak tambah garam lagi Mak Ngah?"

Kuman seekor di negeri China nampak, gajah depan mata tak nampak.
Bagai menjaga tepi kain orang, kain sendiri terlondeh tidak tahu.
Menyukat baju biar di badan sendiri.
Bagai bercakap dengan burung tiong.
Menganyam ketupat biar rapat, kalau tak bocor cu.
Eh… Apa Man dah buat?
Telefon pun tak ker ayah?
Oppss terlebih sudah!!!
Selamat hari raya…

I’MNOSUPERMANWHOWILLPOKEYOUBACKIFYOUPOKEDME: Sayangggggggg mak…

October 2, 2008

Raya this year

Raya is in the air. Takbir, pelita, lemang, rendang dan ketupat... semuanya ada. Namun tidak semua yang aku rasakan seperti selalu. Tahun ni Ida dan As beraya di rumah keluarga mertua masing-masing di Kuching dan Lundu. Aku dapat rasakan... I'm not the only one who misses both of them. Mum was crying when Ida called last night. Dad was craying too this morning. The last time I saw dad cried was when he kissed Ida's forehead during her wedding day.

Pagi tadi Boyo datang membawa lemang yang mak pesan beberapa hari lepas. Tak banyak... dua batang jer.

"Dua jer? Tahun ni kita tak berkumpul di rumah nenek ker mak?" tanyaku kepada mak.

"Tak."

Sebelum nenek meninggal dunia tahun lepas, the whole family akan berkumpul di rumah nenek di Kampung Penakub. Masing-masing datang dengan juadah dan cerita baru, sambil melepas kerinduan diantara mereka. Menegurku lantas menanyakan soalan lazim, "Bila kau nak kawin?" I guess it won't be happening this year.

"Lepas sembahyang nanti, kita pergi kubur nenek nanti ek?" kata ayah...

Menjelang dinihari, things are getting better. Ramai sanak saudara yang datang berkunjung ke rumah. Seperti tahun-tahun yang sudah, masing-masing akan berborak galak sambil bergelak tawa. Sedikit demi sedikit, kekurangan raya tahun ni dapat dilupakan. Alhamdulillah...

Disebelah malamnya pula, aku bersama dengan rakan sekelas ku di SMK Three Rivers dulu berjalan raya sama. Sudah beberapa tahun amalan WAJIB ini kami lakukan, since 1998. Lama juga... Sewaktu mula-mula dulu, kami akan berkonvoi dengan basikal. Yeah people... BASIKAL! Now bila masing-masing dah bekerja, basikal dah tak pakai dah. Hmm elok jugak kalau next year berkonvoi pakai basikal balik. I bet we'll be talking about it for years to come. Now where is that old basikal of mine eih? Tapi laratkah Shirina? Hehehe ampun...
.
Tak banyak rumah yang kami kunjungi tahun ni. Ramai yang tak balik raya atau mungkin sibuk dengan urusan masing-masing. Tapi aku tak kisah, kehadiran 'ahli-ahli tetap' seperti Amit, Janet, Syirina, Yasmin dan Azizah telah membuatkan rayaku lebih berwana tahun ni.

"Tuan pengarah, jangan lupa emailkan semua gambar malam ni ek. Ingat tu..." kata Shirina yang gemar benar memanggil aku Tuan Pengarah. "Sure... rerajin lah jenguk my blog."

I'MNOSUPERMANLAH: 10 years and going strong...
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