AKUBUKANSUPERMAN

September 29, 2008

Bad bad day

I went out the other day to play golf with Suhaimi, Ramlan and Amir. Yeah yeah yeah... we all know it's puasa, but it's just a golf. Orang dulu-dulu boleh pergi perang time berpuasa tau... Faham tak?

I came early to KGB with Suhaimi. But while we were waiting for Ramlan and Amir to come, the rain started to pour down heavily. There goes my golf day... STRIKE ONE!

15 short minutes later...

"I dont think I can come lah. Something came up. Lagipun ujan ni..." Ramlan called. Great... STRIKE TWO!

Tak lama lepas tu, Amir datang. Basah kuyup dan termengah-mengah. Hujan pulak masih turun. Tak ada tanda yang ianya akan berhenti anytime soon. So we decided to call it off. No golfing till raya... hmmm.

"Eh Hidney. I'm currently working on this new dish kat hotel. Kalau kau tak ada apa-apa plan lepas ni, jom ler ikut aku balik. Boleh kau komen sikit." ajak Amir.

Elok lah tu. He wanted me to give him my review on a new dish. I am a self proclaimed perfectionist with capital P! Awas...

At the hotel...

"Kau tunggu kat coffee house k. Nanti kalau dah siap dish tu, aku akan hantar sendiri." Wah kelas dinner berbuka puasa aku kali ni. Head Chef akan layan aku sendiri.

Tak lama lepas tu, seorang waiter datang dengan makanan yang Amir sediakan khas untuk aku. Eh mana Amir?

"Sorry Hidney. Aku terpaksa keluar kejap lagi. Enjoy the food tau. Nanti kalau diorang mintak bil, kata it's complimentary from the chef." Sms Amir.

Well STRIKE THREE? Belum lagi... but about too lah. Jeng jeng jeng...

The food was amazingly yummy. Tak sia-sia aku menebalkan muka makan sorang-sorang at one corner of the coffee house where everyone came with family and friends for berbuka puasa. But I can't neglect the kekokness lah. Tak pula aku sanggup berlama-lama di situ. And so I called for a waiter.

A waiter came with a bill for me. "Makanan ni complimentary dari chef." Ujar ku dengan selambanya.

Waiter tu nampak macam ralat. He asked me to wait while he went back to the kitchen for some clarifications.

"Sorry sir. The chef doesn't know anything about complimentary food." Said the waiter a few minutes later.

Arghhh sentap! Aku rasa macam waiter tu dan carik-carikkan muka aku dan terus pijak-pijak kat lantai. Untuk mengelakkan rasa malu yang berpanjangan, aku bayarkan ajer bil makanan tu. Then aku terus jalan dan tak menoleh lagi. One thing for sure... I'm not going to come back to that place anytime soon. Malu...

Now that SRTIKE THREE TIMES TEN!!!

I'MNOSUPERMANLAH: Amir dah pesan kat assistant dia pasal makanan tu. Tapi assistant dia pulak boleh lupa. HARU...

September 26, 2008

Menjelang raya ni...

Menjelang raya ni, banyak lagu raya berkumandang riang di corong-corong radio; di pejabat, di klinik, di kedai jahit, kedai dobi, pusat membeli-belah, dalam teksi… semuanya nak mainkan lagu raya. Dalam banyak-banyak lagu ni, aku telah senaraipanjangkan lagu yang benar-benar WAJIB diperdengarkan time-time nak raya ni… here goes.

Selamat hari raya by Ahmad Jais
Tak sah kalau tak dengar lagu ni every time raya. It’s like the raya anthem for all Malaysian. Banyak cover version yang dah dibuat, tapi the original number by Ahmad Jais will always be the best. Very soothing and nostalgic. Terasa nak makan kuih jer bila dengar lagu ni. Opppsss puasa uolss…

Menjelang hari raya by Dj Dave
Satu lagi lagu klasik yang wajib dimainkan saban tahun. Setiap kali aku mendengar lagu ni, aku terasa mahu melonjak riang sambil menghayun-hayunkan (mangkuk hayun) bunga api dan menjadi budak kembali. Tapi awas… bermain bunga api may cause much trouble. Biar beringat sebelum terkena mmmkay.

Pulanglah by Aishah
One word… SENTAP!!! Tak boleh dengar lagu ni kalau tahun tu tak boleh balik raya. Sedih meleleh-leleh uolss. Tapi memandangkan aku balik kampung tahun ni, aku tak la terasa sangat. Harap-harap tahun depan ada la orang yang cukup kreatif mengubah balik lagu ni. Beri nafas baru agar orang-orang yang tak dapat balik kampung tak terlalu SENTAP setiap kali mendengar lagu ni. Wah… bayangkan lagu ni dalam versi rave.

Satu hari di hari raya by Sifu M. Nasir
Bila dengar lagu ni, terus aku macam membayangkan time-time aku bergelut nak mengikat kain samping di pagi raya. Dengan ayah nya lagi yang bising-bising sebab dah lambat nak ke masjid. Kerenah mak yang tak tau nak pilih jubah mana nak pakai dan kebingitan adik yang degil tak mahu mandi. Sungguh… this song can do that!

Balik kampung by Sudirman
Haaaaaa… lagu ni best kalau dipasang kuat-kuat dalam kereta sewaktu dalam perjalanan balik ke kampung. Lagi best kalau ikut nyanyi sekali sambil buat pouting-lips-head-banging action. Don’t worry guys… you will not loose your macho-ness if you play this song out loud during raya season. But it will when you play it during Agong’s birthday!!! o_0

Setahun sekali by Amy Mastura
Eh??? Lagu baru ni… Why? I am not quite sure why I should include this song into my list of lagu raya wajib. Tapi every time aku dengar lagu ni, hatiku terasa tercuit kelucuan. Cikgu Mastura; guru matematik ku dulu pernah menyarankan agar student-student yang tidak pandai mengira untuk menghafal lagu ni. It’s all in the lyric…

♫♪♫♫♪♫
Setahun hanya sekali,
Dua tahun dua kali,
Hari raya hari bahagia oh oh...
Setahun hanya sekali,
Dua tahun dua kali,
Namun kenangan di hari raya bersemi,
Dalam hati…
♫♪♫♫♫♪♫♫♪♫

Get what I mean?

Selamat hari raya to each and everyone of you. Drive safe and be cool yeah. Ingat orang yang tersayang! Remember me… (puke!)

I’MNOSUPERMANLAH: Cuti 2 hari jer raya tahun ni. Huhuhu

September 25, 2008

Its 24th September again...

Its one year today,
One year of laugh and cry,
One year of thick and thin,
One year of joy and sorrow,
One year of ups and downs,
One year of contentment and yearning,
One year of love and loathe,
One year of holding on and letting go,
One year of everything...

You hate things but I can live with it,
You dreamt of everything and that I hope I can provide you with,
You love things that I dont but I'll love it for you,
You even called me names but I am ok with it... You sleepy head!

I need you and I hope you are too,
I have loved you mucha nd i
I will do the same for more years to come,
You will always be my everything.

Happy anniversary to both of us boo.

I'MNOSUPERMANWHOLOVESYOUMUCH: You had me at hello. You had me at hello...

Kena tag la pulak

* link to your tagger and post these rules on your blog
* share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird
* tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs
* let them know they're tagged by leaving a comment on their blog

I never understand this tag games. I don’t know why we should do this and siapa yang bijak sangat cipta benda macam ni? But then again it’s all for the sake of fun. I know I know… and I’m ok with it. So here goes mine. 7 weird things about me.

Takut naik kapal terbang
Come again? Haha… Actually I am not a plane freak. I love planes and I even have massive planes model in my house. But one thing about flying that I hate the most is the turbulence. I will always, I repeat ALWAYS freaked out during turbulence. Aku akan berhenti dari membuat apa-apa dan terus menjadi kejung sekejung kejungnya disaat itu. So jangan nak beranak depan aku kalau time tu terbulence!

“Macamana nak jadi pilot kalau takut turbulence?”

Suka cakap sendiri
Aku cuba nak kikis perangai buruk ni. Tapi sampai la ni, aku gagal dengan keputusan yang amat membanggakan. Aku bukan gila ok! Aku suka berlagak jadi penyampai radio, pengacara tv, juruacara majlis, orang yang buat pengumumam alihkan kereta di pusat membeli belah, sort of things lah. I love to do voice mails. Hahaha ok now I’m a weirdo…

Compulsive perfectionist with capital P
I’ll try to be perfect most of the time walaupun aku tahu I am not that perfect pun. I know… We all do.

Aku tak suka benda bersepah but I hate to arrange stuff. That’s why I have a maid. I hate it when people are late for appointment but sometime I do late too. I love perfectly cooked food but I am no cook. I want a perfect services when I dine in a restaurant but I spilt a soy sauce on a customer when I was a waiter before. Get what I mean?

Suka komen
Like I said, I am a perfectionist. I like perfect things. And so I like to comment things. Tapi komen aku tu masih mampan dengan saduran bahasa-bahasa orang timur yang sarat dengan kesopanan dan kesusilaannya. Aku tahu takat mana hak dan kemampuan orang lain. Even so… try not to offer a comment card to me when you see me dining in your restaurant.

Tandas
I love clean toilets. Tandas yang bersih dan selesa adalah keperluan ruji untuk kelangsungan hidup kita. Aku sanggup saja menahan diri dari membuang air besar or sehingga aku berjumpa dengan tandas yang betul-betul menepati citarasa sempurnaku. Tandas awam? Bukan menyombong, tapi tandas awam adalah kawasan laranganku. But I can do Singapore’s toilets. Why can’t we have such toilet in our country?

Tak boleh tengok darah
Yes you can say that I am not a good citizen as I never do blood donation. I hate to see blood, I’ll freak out! Bukan sekadar terpekik terlolong, tetapi akan pitam dan tak sedarkan diri. Something wrong with me? Entah, aku sendiri pun tak tahu. I shall not comment further. Memikirnya saja mempu membuatkan aku seram…

Perogol bahasa
Aku adalah penjenayah bahasa. I like to combine a few words into one. Berikut adalah beberapa contoh perkataan yang biasa aku gunakan.

Diparaslututkan – Menyukat sesuatu hingga ke paras lutut. Boleh juga diubah menjadi diparasbukulalikan. Ikut kesesuaian uolss…

Membudaya-lembu-kambingkan – Mengamalkan budaya bengong dan canggung sepersis lembu dan kambing. Term ni aku gunakan untuk mereka-mereka yang gemar makan kuaci yang kemudiannya disepah-sepahkan kulitnya. Bukannya kenyang mana pun kalau makan kuaci tu.

Copaste – Gabungan COPY dan PASTE.

Ter(letak nama orang disini) – Contoh penggunaan, TerHidney atau TerPaklah. Maksudnya terserempak dengan Hidney atau dengan Pak Lah.

“Eh… you ada terHillary Clinton ker pagi tadi? I terMorgan Freeman tau. Best uolss!!!”

I am suppose to tag 7 peps but i rather not sebab aku tak tau siapa yang aku nak tag. Hahaha... ampun maaf dipinta, mensuci hening dosa ♪♫♪♫♪♫...

I'MNOSUPERMANLAH: Seronok seronok jugak. Ucuk!!! Siap lah nanti...

September 23, 2008

Of jalan rosak, the government and rumah baru sister ku

Aku balik ke Mukah hujung minggu lepas untuk merasai nikmat berbuka dan bersahur dengan famili. Kalau dulu, aku akan balik sekurang-kurangnya sekali dalam sebulan. Tapi semenjak dua menjak ni aku semakin malas. Bukannya apa… terasa sakit hati menghabiskan masa 4 jam memandu di jalan raya yang sepertinya tidak pernah diberi perhatian oleh orang-orang yang berkenaan. Seperti tiada pembayar cukai di Mukah. Seperti tiada manusia yang menetap di Mukah. Amat terbiar dan menyedihkan…

Nah tengok sendiri gambar-gambar yang sempat aku ambil. Mana kerajaan? Mana YB YB? This is not the kind of government that are worth fighting for. Cheh!!!

Bah enough about that. Actually aku balik ke Mukah sebab nak tengok rumah baru sister ku. The house is rather small but I like it somehow. The beach is just stone throw away. And the neighbour are quite nice too. Better than mine lah definitely. But it's too early to predict. Tunggu lah sampai ada yang rosak kereta nanti. Hahaha...

"You know what... I can do a lot lah with this house. But I'm not sure whether you and Abang Tony will approve it." I told my sister.

"Bah... do your magic lah." She said.

"I have to charge la tapi..."

"Dasar!!! Jangan nak tangkap picture dalam rumah. Main kat luar nu. Berselerak lagi ni."

"Make me..."

"Eh how the road ah? Licin kan?"

"Dont ask me. Ask the ADUN!"

I’MNOSUPERMANLAH: Finally my sister and her newly married husband can 'do it' on the dining table. Hahaha!!!

September 22, 2008

Jom berbuka puasa

Based on a true story. Somewhere between Sibu and Bintulu 6 years ago...

"Alamak... Waktu berbuka dah dekat ni. Tak boleh nak cari tempat nak berbuka. Kita ni jauh lagi ni." kata abah sambil melihat-lihat jam.

"Tadi tak beli pun makanan untuk berbuka. Ingatkan sempat..." kata mak.

"Nak buat macamana. Kita tahan jer la dulu yer. Nanti bila jumpa kedai, kita stop." kata abah.

"Abah abah... Kita berbuka sebab kita nak batalkan puasa ek?" tanya adik.

"A'ah... Lebih kurang ler tu." jawab abah.

"Kita korek hidung lah bah." cadang adik.

"..."

Adik... adik...

I'MNOSUPERMANLAH: Children may seem to be green, but they can see what we can't see...

September 17, 2008

Of OMNIA and its time to go to Meroyanland

Lemme go around the bush first… I always wanted to be an IT savvy myself but I am not blessed with a heavy monthly salary and my dad does not carry Datuk in his name. The only datuk that he has is his dad's dad. Faham tak? But sometime, my dream speaks louder than my corporeality. And so I bought stuff; which at the end of the day causing me a serious wallet-ache. I wonder if they have pills for that?

I bought Samsung SGH-i900 OMNIA the other day after seeing its rather impressive tv adds while watching the Beijing opening ceremony. The first thing that came into my mind was “Wicked!!! I need to have that…”

And so I bought it and can’t take my hands off it ever since. It’s my phone, my PDA, my internet, my game console, my mp3 player, my video player, my map, my camera, my note pad, my Facebook, my Blogspot, my wife and my everything.

Being ‘everything’ for basically anything can be immoderate for my OMNIA. Sometime I tend to push it over the pagar a bit. And when that happen, my poor OMNIA become sewel and my face elongate. So I have to reset it every now and then and that started to irritate me. Urghh enough already! Suddenly I can see the RM that I spent to adopt my OMNIA got flushed in the toilet lubang. Menyesal seh!

And then last night after some serious all-you-can-eat berbuka puasa dinner at the all-I-cannot-eat eating house, I stumbled into the OHMYGODISHALLDIEFORTHIS HTC Touch Diamond. Jeng jeng jeng...


How can anyone stand its charm by not taking it home? It’s been a loooong time since the last time I got meroyan over something that I really want. And for all that its worth, I said… “This is what I need. That OMNIA need to go.”

Who want my less than a month old OMNIA? Harga potong gila-gila ni!

I’MNOSUPERMANLAH: How much will my bottom cost eih? Anyone?

September 15, 2008

Your small outfit...

It's like your small outfit,

The outfit with pockets you stuffed with your favourite goodies and treat,

You can’t help it,

Take it, take it, take it!!!

Its all seems to be random in that pockets of your small outfit,

But it’s all there for you, your favourite goodies and treat,

So Singapore as they have it,

The city and country with tonnes of goodies and treat in it.

I’MNOSUPERMANLAH: It’s rather stupid to analogize a city with an outfit. But wait till you see it for yourself.

September 12, 2008

I'M NO SUPERMANLAH!

I have been thinking a lot lately. People around me are expecting too much from me when I can only do so much. Why why why? Hello… I only have two hands and two balls.

My boss is killing me…
My colleague is looking down at me…
My parent is pushing me…
My brother is annoying me…
My neighbour is avoiding me…
My friend is mad at me…
.
.
I’MNOSUPERMANLAH: I think it's about time for me to say this and get out of the cupboard. I am not Superman. I am Spiderman...

September 9, 2008

Weekend in Singapore

Singapore was never in my travel list as I thought it’s just another KL-like city with Singapore faces in it. No sensation of traveling whatsoever…

“Where you at?”

“Oversea…”

“Yeah where about?”

“Singapore...”

“Cheh! That is so over-the-tambak only!!!”


See what I mean?

A.N.Y.W.A.Y… One should not strictly judge a book by its cover and one definitely should not judge a country over a single unsuccessful interview (that’s me). I am so wrong about Singapore and that idea changed after my trip to her capital city last weekend.

My wonderful trip began as soon as I arrived at the impressive Changi International Airport. It’s a city-within-an-airport that showcases a vast area of sheer duty-free shopping adventure. Bring yourself a plenty of money, a comfortable pair of shoes, airport map and you’re good to go.

Singapore is a ‘fine’ city they say. $1000 for littering may sound like absurd. But wait till you see the public toilets. It’s squeaking clean. Too bad I didn’t manage to visit one of the famous themed toilets which were once featured in the Discovery Channel’s Globe Tracker. Maybe next time… People travel a long way to foreign country and pay handsome amount of money just to jump cliffs. I’ll do the same and visit toilets. Cool huh?

Finding food can never be easier when you are in Singapore. Just take your time walking around, looking for what’s on the menu and be dazzled. For me Chili Crab is a must try for all. It’s a bit messy, but it so worth it. Try try try!!!

My first date with Cd ucuk was at the Eye on Malaysia. I told him that it should be spelt as Eyes on Malaysia. And guess what… there is a bigger version of that in Singapore. It’s simply called Singapore Flyer… the world largest observation wheel. Now I can’t argue with that can I?

Feeling all buttoned-up? Then head to the Sentosa, an absolute serene leisure island located on the southernmost part of the city. No embellishment needed to describe the tranquillity. But be prepared to scare yourself silly over some 10 minutes cable car ride to the island. Believe me… it’s really high and windy. But you can always choose to be a sissy by driving all the way from the main island via Gateway Avenue. Muahaha!!!

Singapore is a small island city with a big variety of everything and unique is the word that best describes it. It’s a city with numerous memorable experiences waiting to be discovered; foods, cultures, architectures, arts, clean toilets and chewing gums (if you manage to find one). My two and a half day visit can never sum it all up. I shall return…

I’MNOSUPERMAN: I should have been going to the Night Safari lah… Time time time!!!

September 4, 2008

Of the ink and the Malaysia Boleh spirit

Initially they have this Miami Ink. The series took the world by storm. Suddenly everyone wanted to have tattoos, be tattooed and tell their sad stories on TV. Very inspiring...

And then... one of the beautiful and talented cast of Miami Ink left the shop and moved back to LA where she started her own tattoo shop and simply named it the LA Ink. She continuously inspired more people and before you know it, more sad stories were told.

Now they have this London Ink. It’s hard to see the differences between these shows except for thicker English accents in the later version.

How long would it take before we can see KL Ink came into the picture? Possible enough? Well, Malaysians are serba boleh what. Just wait and see… Remember the Malaysian version of Pimp My Ride and Whose Line Is It Anyway? Puke…

I’MNOSUPERMAN: What are the commercial values for Malaysian sad stories anyway? Happy Merdeka Day nusaku...
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