July 30, 2008

A SUPERMAN-ly match?

NO LIVE MATCH ON TV damn it!!! More Malaysian came in blue instead of yellow-black jersey, Chelsea score 2 goals over Malayan toothless tiger; Nicolas Anelka on the 26th minutes and Ashley Cole on the 53rd minutes. A sudden unexpected but superficial try on the second minute by Amirul Hadi almost sorcerised him into the next Malaysian sensation after Dr. Sheikh (LMAO). But like they said, ALMOST IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH… well that’s just about it. It's all over the news.

I’MNOSUPERMAN: Kedai mamak with tv ALMOST untung besar last nite. Suddenly RM300 for football ticket sounds logic...

July 28, 2008

Malaysia vs Chelsea; How BOLEH are we?

Tomorrow the Shah Alam’s Stadium will witness the battle of two teams, B. Sathianathan's Harimau Melaya and Big Phil's The Blues. It’s not the question of who will win, but how many Malaysian will don a yellow-black jersey and support their own team. I guess we just have to wait and see.

I'MNOSUPERMAN: I'm not a big fan (kaki bangku even), but this match is so interesting. I hate to miss it...

Of fuel price and my miserable life…

.
When the fuel price increased, the food price in the estate’s commercial center will also increased, which the price was already increased tremendously since Tun Ghafar Baba’s day. I am talking about buying 10 kg 3rd grade rice for RM48 instead of RM28 for the same brand elsewhere. They said everything will increase by 20% due to fuel price increment. Imagine how much can my workers buy with that new price? Insane kan? You tell me?

When the food price increased, my workers will only eat rice once a day instead of thrice. It’s impossible for them to eat more with their current average salary of RM300 per month. That's 4 pieces of Sam&Kav t-shirt lah!!! That mum and dad will have to feed their children with ubi kayu and pucuk paku just like what they use to experience 60 years ago. And that will results in an avitaminosis, hypovitaminosis, kwashiorkor, marasmus and other metabolic disordered workers. Susah kan? You tell me?

These sick workers will results in less productive workers. Less productive workers means less production for my estate. Less production will be captured in my monthly reports. These reports will be used to generate my KPI's and that my friend will determine my bonus at the end of the financial year. Hows that for a change? You tell me?

I'MNOSUPERMAN: Now should I or should I not complain? When will they pay my bonus anyway?


July 27, 2008

The more the merrier my ass!!!

“Ini adalah peti suara untuk 013XXXXXXX. Sila tinggalkan pesanan suara anda selepas ton. Terima kasih.” Tak ada coverage kot…

“Orang yang anda panggil tidak dapat dihubungi buat masa ini.” Eh ni macam suara Linda Onn jer.

“Yo terimas sebab call. Leave your message and I’ll call you back.” Nombor ni pun tak dapat kah?

“(Tunes of Bryan Adams’s Never Let Go)” Hmmmph!

“Hai. Saya Era Fazira. Kawan saya ni sibuk sekarang ni. Tinggalkan pesanan suara anda yer.” Sejak bila plak dia berkawan dengan Era Fazira ni?

“Mbeeeek…mbeeeek!!!” Maaaaangkuk!

“(Tunes of Jason Mraz’s The Remedy)” Arghhh!!!

I hate this. Dah cuba dail semua nombor tapi satu pun tak masuk. Buang masa dan RM aku jer nak dail. Ahh sudeh! Tak ada maknanya!

I'MNOSUPERMAN: Who need 7 numbers anyway?

July 25, 2008

Fire drill

"Kenapa tak buat semalam jer demo ni?"

"Sebab orang bomba tak dapat datang. Bos nak buat dan dan jugak."

"Tak ada orang bomba tak boleh buat demo ker?"

"Masalahnya sekor-sekor tak tau teknik dia. Kalau takat padam tu tau ler..."

"Binggo! There you go. Kalau dapat padam tu, maknanya tau lah tu."

"..."

"Faham tak?"
.
.
I'MNOSUPERMAN: Jangan bermain dengan api, takut terbakar diri...

Cucur udang di hari Jumaat

It’s Friday and it’s a free-breakfast-day at the office. On the menu… CUCUR UDANG. Very sedap… Exhibit A (see picture)
.

July 24, 2008

Google???

This afternoon, on the phone...

Manager: I want you to call fire department now and ask them to come down to our estate to give a talk and demonstration on fire control. Then do a report about it. It's for our KPI.

Me: When do you want to have that talk and demonstration sir?

Manager: This afternoon.

Me: Tak cepat sangat ker sir?

Manager: No.

Me: I can call them, but I'm sure diorang tak akan dapat datang petang ni.

Manager: Then you do the talk and the demonstration. I want it done this afternoon. Report to me tomorrow.

Me: Where can I get the material and stuff sir?

Manager: Google!!!

.
I'MNOSUPERMAN: Google this Google that... I wonder if I can Google his sanity?

Orang Pupathy?

Yesterday I was visited by a very dear agronomist-friend of mine; Mr. Pupathy. Let me tell you a story about me and him and how we met.

It was back in 2003 when I was in Lavang Estate. It was my first week and everyone was talking about Pupathy. Pupathy this, Pupathy that… and I never thought that Pupathy was in fact a person’s name especially after being introduced to a staff who claimed himself as orang Pupathy when I first join the estate.

“Hello tuan. Nama saya Wilson. Saya orang Pupathy…”

One day… “Hidney petang nanti 3 orang Pupathy akan visit tempat kau. Get ready with all the supporting documents.” My manager told me.

Later that afternoon, I was told that only one of the orang Pupathy will come and he’s Indian. Being a pudding head myself, I approached that Indian guy and asked him this… ”Welcome. Are you part of Pupathy? I’ve been expecting you.”

He was stunned and of course stupefied with my question. “I am Pupathy and I believe all parts of me are Pupathy.”

“Gosh I’m sorry. I thought Pupathy is a name of an organization.”

“Clearly! I shall remember this day as the funniest day in my life.”

It’s been a while since I last met him and yesterday I asked him the same question again... only to receive the same answer. Never change one I tell you...


I'MNOSUPERMAN: He saw my new SLR and he wanted me to sell it to him for RM400. Hehe nice try Pupathy!!!

July 22, 2008

Sinchan

I have a cat
Adopted him from a single lovely Chinese lady
She named him Clover
But I called him Sinchan instead
Because Doraemon would be too much

He was so small that I have to bottle feed him
He was crying a lot in his box during the night
He missed his mommy
I cuddled him for a while
He fell asleep
But only to wake up again in the next 5
He really missed his mommy
Day by day
He grew bigger
And stronger too

He played with his green and purple ball
Chased the thing here and there
The thing will chimed every time it rolls

He played with the curtain too
It was green and thin
He left his claw mark on it
On my ugly green and thin curtain
Thank you Sinchan!

He’ll be sleeping with me every night
He’ll stood on the door every morning
So that I let him out
To pee and to eat

Then I was transferred to Damai from Belian
He seemed to be lost
Of the new environment
Of our new house

He went out one day
And never came back
I freaked and I worried
So I seek for help
Find my Sinchan and my reward shall be yours
He is a cat with a green necklace

He came back a week later
They brought him back in a gunny sack
He was crying out loud
He was dirty and skinny
Eventually he settled down
Played with his ball
And my new yellow curtain
In our new house

One fine day
Sinchan came home with his new girlfriend
A yellow cat
See daddy… I have a girlfriend!

She then gave birth to 4 cute kittens
They would pee and shit everywhere
And they would flee in my presence
I have to let them out of the house
So that they can pee and shit
As much as they wanted to

Sinchan was not always with me since then
He came back every once in a while
His ball doesn’t chime anymore
The curtains were left untouched

But I’m happy to see him
Even for just a while
That I know he still remembers
Of his daddy
Of his friend
Of me…

I'MNOSUPERMAN: He'll change... but I'll never stop loving him. I'll never stop caring for him. He is all that I have, my only sayang...

Ayam Pansuh; The how to...

Ayam Pansuh; a rare delicacy if you are not from Sarawak, it’s a special chicken dish cooked in a bamboo. Very often you can see it during Gawai festivity. Very lemang but not quite the lemang you have in mind. This is how it’s made.

Before it’s all started, you might need a lemang bamboo, chicken (a dead one please), chicken broth, bunga kantan, garlic, salt to taste and banana leave. Very simple, but you’ll be amazed on the final results.

First thing first. Slightly burn the chicken over a fire to enhance the YUMMY factor. You can have it cooked through if you want too. Improvisation is the key. While waiting for that, you can cut the bunga kantan and garlic into smaller pieces.

Once the chicken is done, dice it up into your desirable sizes. You might need to cut it into bigger pieces if you have a big mouth. I say… too harsh? Well, forgive me for the inconvenience caused.

Hahaha carry on now. Mix all the ingredients together, minus the bamboo and banana leave cos that would be too stupid to do isn’t it?

Once it’s all mixed together, stuff the chicken into the bamboo and pour in some of the chicken broth. Then close the end of the bamboo with the banana leave and cook the whole thing over an open fire. You’ll know when it’s cooked. Enjoy!

I'MNOSUPERMAN: Rindu mau makan ambuyat bah...

July 21, 2008

Of BBQ party. Round two

.
Did I mention about having a thank you party for last week thank you party? Well here it is, yet another BBQ party at my place organized by the estate. Nothing much to talk about. It was raining all the way but it was great. More Kodak moment for me. Say kejuuuuuu…
.
I'MNOSUPERMAN: What will happen if you gave a karaoke set to planters? They sang like there’s no tomorrow, VERY INTENSE. I don’t know that my manager can sing very well. Very the Awie one! Clap clap clap…

I'm no Monday-man

This is the reason why I hate Monday so much. I miss my Sunday...

I'MNOSUPERMAN: I like Saturday though. It's my golf day...

July 18, 2008

Water water everywhere

It has been raining for the past 3 days and no one is happy. Water is everywhere, causing trouble in harvesting and other field upkeep operations. I might need a sampan. Boleh buat aksi gampang berdiri kat haluan sampan macam Kate Winslet. Now where's my Jack Dawson? I jump after you jump. Boleh???

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,

It's been 3 days lah...

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
My pekerja nak keluar kerja ni...


Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
Field dah naik air dah...

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
Or else, I have to answer this to our people in KL who seems to not understand anything, PERIOD!

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day,
I'll be a good boy,
No more Kelantanese-intern-inspired blog after this,
Insaf...

I'MNOSUPERMAN: Dulu masa muda-muda, suka main ujan kat luar rumah. Mak kejar dengan rotan, ayah gelak jer sebab mak pun basah. Then ayah kata, "Lain kali kalau ujan, cepat-cepat main kat luar."

Office dumbness; You can try it if you want too

Spending almost 8 hours in the office everyday will sometime bring out that state of mental dumbness in us. Being confined by 4 walls on either side can be daunting especially for those who are claiming themselves as claustrophobic. They can hardly breathe when they are hemmed in.

Office denseness… sometime can be refreshing. But beware! Too much is pestiferous. Too bad if you have a bad boss. He’ll probably slap you really hard that you cannot recognize your own mother. But if you have a good looking, kind hearted, morally sound, well mannered and proficient boss like me, I’ll give you a recognition certificate instead. Seriously!

Here are some of the office’s slow-witted demeanors that get you a certificate FROM ME. WARNING: Don’t try this at home!

• Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
• Run one lap around the office at top speed.
• To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "Mmmmmmm that feels soooooo good!"
• Walk sideways to the photocopier.
• Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it"
• Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again".
• Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "Wanna trade?"
• While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.
• While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.
• At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself). Hauyay…


I'MNOSUPERMAN: Highlighted in red are my favourite

July 17, 2008

Of motion study and using my power to decide

“I want you to do motion study on the new machine and on Monday I expect a full report on my desk.” One word… FUN!!!

A China-base company brought in this machine last week to promote it as a more effective method for crop evacuations in our hilly terrain estate. I thought it was stupid and a total waste of money as we already bought the same machine a few years back and it’s now somewhere in the workshop, waiting to be recycled as scrap iron. Call me absurd, but this thing is useless!!!
And so I was given the task to study it and guess what? My report will help to determine whether we should buy the machine or not. Cool huh?

It’s time to say NO!

I'MNOSUPERMAN: I should conclude my report with, "It's a junk with capital J. Buy this and you are stupid!"

What in the name of anything that is holier in here is this?

The internet connection is F***ing slow
When will they fix the WiFi connection anyway?
Next decade?
I can’t log in into my Yahoo Messenger
I can’t check my email
My best friend is mad at me
I made bubur ayam but it was too salty
I have to cook meggie instant bubur instead
I am watching The F Word on AFC
I don’t understand the chef
He’s such a pain in the a**
I am tired
Not in the mood
My eye bag is the size of Pahang
I have a meeting on Monday
I’m gonna be on the chopping board again
I hate Monday
I hate meeting
I hate chopping board for that matter
My leave was not approved
I lost my TV remote control
I miss my bucuk
I miss my car
Masitah forgot to clean up the toilet again
Derawan Oil Mill wouldn’t accept my crop tomorrow
I got 20% unripe bunches sent to the mill yesterday
I got penalize for that
I am mad
Very mad
I am out of cooking oil
No more fried nugget and roti canai for the next 3 days
I have no car to move around
I don’t want to borrow Firdaus’s car anymore
He is avoiding me
My only hope is the estate-owned school bus
It was down since Monday though
I forgot to back up my upcoming blog entry
I lost it
I have to type it again
It’s not gonna be the same
I hate shallots
But I need it to cook a proper food
I am bored
I am horny
Very horny
Nothing to do except for watching The F Word on TV
Miss USA tripped during Miss Universe Pageant, yet again
Miss Columbia should have won
Syukrie keep on asking for his jeans
I left it at Khairil’s place
I have only RM23 in my wallet
I am poor
Very poor
I have no chocolate to nibble
I need to buy P Iron
Cos I'm suck with 9th Iron
My stomach hurts
I can’t sleep well last night
I over-napped this afternoon
I woke up having 3M’s
3M = MAJOR MAMAI MOMENT
I hate that
I tend to throw things
And break things
That I regretted it soon after
I want to eat sushi
No Sushi King in Bintulu
I miss my Sinchan
Where is he?
My workers were asking for a raise in salary
I have to explain it to the boss
Boss asked me to said “Bapak-bapak, ibu-ibu, harap tenang semuanya.”
Goblok!!!
Low turnout today
No one wanted to harvest the crop till the salary issues tackled
I can’t achieve my budget
There goes my KPI
F**K!!!
No news about bonus
When would it be?
Next century?
I need to top up my investment
Mikha was already asking about it
I hate to wake up just to turn on the air-cond in the middle of the night
Was asking James to fix it the other day
No follow up till now
The dogs are getting louder
It’s creepy especially during the night
They ate my shoes
They sat on my bike
I hate to ask Masitah to samak it for me
I don’t want to do it myself
THE INTERNET CONNECTION IS F***ING SLOW!!!

I'MNOSUPERMAN: I wish I can have 25 hours a day

July 16, 2008

Project NGB

Err… that would be Project Nasi Goreng Belacan people. I've said it before and I would like to say it again. I am no cook. I cook for my own consumption and it's too complex. There I've said it…

For this entry, I would like to share with you one of my favourite nasi goreng recipe which I've no idea how it would taste like if I cook it myself. The ingredients for the recipe are fairly simple. You can improvise it if you need to. The quantity of each item, well depends on your appetite. There is no exact system of measurement here. So bear with me.

The ingredients are ladies and gentleman…
g
Belacan

Anchovies (the more the merrier)
Limau nipis or lemon if you are a Londoners (cheh as if they would google my blog and read it)
Cili padi (more if you're from Negeri Sembilan)
Nasi
Cooking oil
Salt and pepper to taste

That's it. Now moving on to the methods. Pound the belacan, anchovies, cili padi, salt and pepper together. Don't overdo it as bits of un-hancur anchovies would be nice. Then heat up the oil and in goes the belacan paste. Mind your distance if you are an amateur like me. Soon after the belacan aromas hit your nasal cavity, add in the nasi. Don't forget to mix it all around. You might need to do it gently because the last thing you want to have is an empty wok.

Remember the limau nipis? Squeeze the juice out and on to the nasi and turn off the gas soon after. Overcooked, and you'll loose the zing. Ready to serve!!! Don't forget to clean up afterwards...

P/s: Why no garlic and shallots lah? First thing first, I don't do shallots. It makes me cry. And secondly, I don't have those at the moment of cooking. Savvy???
d

I'MNOSUPERMAN: Tak habis pun nasi goreng tu cos it's too salty. Told ya I'm no cook


July 14, 2008

The Kite Runner; Khaled Hosseini

I’ve never done across-the-board book review before, but this book deserves my uttermost affection and fascination and that I am proud to make my own review on it. Here goes…

It is Khaled Hosseini’s The Kite Runner published in 2003 and was a New York Times Best Seller and a San Francisco Chronicle Best Book of the Year on the same year it was published. It was so good that the DreamWorks Pictures have translated it into
motion pictures sometime in 2007 and was nominated in Academy and Golden Globe Award. I wonder if Oprah ever read this book.

It is a story of a young boy named Amir, a son of a wealthy-widowed businessman in relatively peace 1970-ish Kabul, and Hassan, the son of Amir’s father’s menial. Both of them are inseparable, spending most of their time running kites and slingshot their neighbor’s dog, until one painful event changes the good-natured of their relationship for good.

Even after Amir and his father moved to America, where he grows and become a notable author, he was haunted by the pain memory of his betrayal and disloyalty towards Hassan. Eventually land of Afghan calls him back to repent his faults.

For me it’s not just about a story of one person’s effort for redemption and to undone the past, but it is a story of common humanity and universal morality that reflects us collectively. Be it rich or poor, Taliban or none-Taliban, soccer guy or dance boy, we are all the same.

I don’t know about you, but this book shall remain as my priceless possession from now and beyond.

I'MNOSUPERMAN: "When you kill a man, you steal a life. When you tell a lie, you steal someone’s right to the truth. When you cheat, you steal the right to fairness.”


July 13, 2008

Spank me for my bad behaviour...

Remember the Kelantanese intern that I’ve mentioned in my previous blog? I gave him an assignment on leaf sampling last week and I’ve asked him to present his findings before the watchful eyes of my team during our weekly class session.

“Try to present in English ok.”

“Ok se. No problerr”

"Problerr or problem?”

“…???”

On the day of the presentation. ..

“Guk morning every wa. Ma nay ih Shamsudin Rizal bin Akhbar. I ayy fro yu pi ayy. Today I wan to priseh own lih sampli.”

I can’t help it. I am soooo bad. I am a bad bad person. Bad bad bad!!!

I'MNOSUPERMAN: The lovely women in red is makcik Rasni. She can make a toothsome karipap kari. I so love her and her karipap kari. I shall write something about that someday eih?

Of hectic week and BBQ

It has been a long and busy week for me and my team. We were having back to back visits by the company’s top management and Tun Musa Hitam. With good outcome from all the visits, I’ve organized a thank you bbq party at my place. Here are some Kodak moments from the party. Thank you guys!

I'MNOSUPERMAN: The party was a blast!!!

July 9, 2008

The visit... Check!!!


There are 2 days that I hate the most in my job; workers' pay day and visit day by the Plantation advisor.

I hate pay day because I hate wrong denominations from the bank. We always get that. Sorry Ethan but I have to say this; it’s a mess with CAPITAL M. If it is not my lucky day and something decided to go wrong, really wrong, I ended paying the workers with my own money. And that’s why I hate pay day.

I hate the later because I have to be on top of my game on that particular day, and it’s the Plantation Advisor; the one person you should be very worried to if you don’t read your Agriculture Reference Manual! You can expect a constant Q&A session during the visit. And I hate question when I don’t have the answer. And it’s almost never will I get the answer for his questions from the Air Babylon by Imogen Edwards-Jones, unless that I read that damn Agriculture Reference Manual. One wrong answer and you’re history. Err maybe that’s too harsh. Or maybe I have to create an excuse just to hate it. I hate visit! And I hate Agriculture Reference Manual!

I am visiting again today…

Sun screen… Check!

PDA and note book… Check and check!

Maps… Check!

Wit… Check!

Balls… one… two… Check!!!

July 7, 2008

Ghoyak or kecek? The Kelantanese intern

Earlier this morning...

"Mitak maah tuan. Kawe lambat." Kelantanese intern said.

"???? come again?" I said.

"Ai ayy soghi se. Ai ayy let."

"Aiyoo...?"

"Kemarin tok leh gi. Kawe uru transport."

"Huh?"

"Aduh... tok pahe?"

"...."

It's gonna be an interesting 3 months internship program. I can feel it.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...