July 18, 2008

Office dumbness; You can try it if you want too

Spending almost 8 hours in the office everyday will sometime bring out that state of mental dumbness in us. Being confined by 4 walls on either side can be daunting especially for those who are claiming themselves as claustrophobic. They can hardly breathe when they are hemmed in.

Office denseness… sometime can be refreshing. But beware! Too much is pestiferous. Too bad if you have a bad boss. He’ll probably slap you really hard that you cannot recognize your own mother. But if you have a good looking, kind hearted, morally sound, well mannered and proficient boss like me, I’ll give you a recognition certificate instead. Seriously!

Here are some of the office’s slow-witted demeanors that get you a certificate FROM ME. WARNING: Don’t try this at home!

• Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.
• Run one lap around the office at top speed.
• To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "Mmmmmmm that feels soooooo good!"
• Walk sideways to the photocopier.
• Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it"
• Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce "As God is my witness, I'll never go hungry again".
• Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask "Wanna trade?"
• While an office mate is out, move their chair into the elevator.
• While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.
• At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself). Hauyay…

I'MNOSUPERMAN: Highlighted in red are my favourite

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